Steve x Reader |Can't Save'em All|

She read her book in silence, watching from behind the pages. A small portal sat in front of her, showing her what was going on in the various rooms of the farmhouse. Clint had taken them all there after the mess that had happened in New York. The Avengers Tower was wrecked worse than when Loki’d gotten his hands on it, and the city itself was in shambles.

They’d been all over the place, trying to figure out what to do and how to do it. This was the first time in a little while they’d been able to relax. And by they, we mean (Name). Everyone else was trying to “plan” something, or do anything else.

Their brains were already fried, so there was no use in trying to figure it all out. They were all so stressed. But instead of letting herself get stressed too, she decided to hide away and watch them from a safe distance. Which is why her powers could be so helpful. It was like a TV in real life.

But instead of using it for something useful, like finding Ultron’s current location (like she was supposed to), she was enjoying the current Avengers Soap Opera, Season 2. She smirked behind the pages as she watched Steve split a log in half with his bare hands. They were fighting about something, him and Tony. What it was, she couldn’t tell. Unfortunately her powers only let her see. They weren’t strong enough to hear, yet.

’Not that it matters. They’re obviously ticked off about something.’ She figured, and snapped the book shut after skimming another paragraph. With the flick of her wrist, the portal disappeared and she left the homey living room to find the bickering boys.

’Steve looks more upset than usual, too.’ She noted, stepping lightly across the floor. (Name) glanced outside, catching sight of Clint and Natasha watching the two duking it out. She tilted her head, locking eyes with Natasha to try and figure out what was going on.

“They’re still going about what Maximoff showed them.” Tasha murmured, and (Name) nodded, her lips drawing into a thin line. Like it or not, she’d seen her own dark side, too. Not that she was willing to tell anyone about it. But that was besides the point.

She watched Steve, his posture and body language a lot more tense and stressed than usual. There was a lot more weighing on his mind than him just seeing his dark side. ..If he even had one. It was when he split the log in half with his hands that she decided enough was enough.

”Steve. Dial it back.” She transmitted the thought to him, and he glanced over to the porch. (Name) gave him a small wave and a smaller smile, leaning against the wood post. Steve sighed, leaving the wood splitting to Tony (even though they were pretty much done). She didn’t bother to wait for him to catch up, passing through the doorway and heading to the guest room.


Steve trailed after, not bothering to look her in the eye when she slid onto the bed, crossing her legs and sitting right in front of him. He just stood, hunched slightly and hands on his hips. “You’re a mess, soldier.” She mused, leaning forward and watching him with curious eyes.

“I think that’s safe to say about the entire team.” Steve muttered, and she scoffed. “What team?” (Name) joked, and he smiled bitterly.

“We’re supposed to be able to stick together. Trust each other with things. But we can’t even tell each other about ourselves. What happens to us. And it’s hard to trust a team when they don’t even trust everyone else.”

“To be fair, you haven’t told anybody about you saw.”

“And neither did you.” He pointed out, and she rolled her eyes, flopping forwards on the bed. “That’s because what I saw was something that would probably scar you for life.”

“Try me.” Steve said softly, and she hummed, letting him sink on the bed next to her. She leaned against him, arms out in front of her.

“Okay. Imagine seeing me. But extremely deformed, and a massive black blobby thing with white snake eyes and, like, killing everything. Warping time and doing crazy bad stuff.” She told him, and he bowed his head, looking down at her.

“That’s pretty dark.” He replied, and she chuckled tiredly, shaking her head.

“Yep. And that’s just a picture of what I could be. It’s kind of spooky. But not at all what we need to be talking about. Because we,” She slipped off the bed and stood in front of him, placing her hands on his shoulders, “need to talk about you.”

“Me.”

“Yes, you.” She chimed, leaning in front of him. “Something’s been eating away at you since the Tower fell, CMC.”

“What’d you call me?”

“CMC. Captain, My Captain? I dunno, it sounds cooler. Now quit avoiding the subject and talk to me.” She said bluntly, despite the amused little smile playing on her lips. “What’s the matter with you?”

Steve sighed, looking away from the woman holding onto him. His hands clasped together, him shaking his head. “I just thought that I was stronger. Stronger than I am.”

“Stronger?” (Name) repeated, tilting her head. “You’re the strongest guy on the team. Well, when Tony’s not in the suit and Bruce isn’t a big mean green bean.”

“No, I mean-- I’m supposed to be able to help people. Protect them, and save them from the bad guys. It’s my only job as an Avenger.”

“And I’m guessing you didn’t do your job well there?” She figured, and he swallowed, falling silent. (Name)’s hands fell from his shoulders, coming to sit next to him again.

“...When the bridge was collapsing, there was a car. There was a, um...a person inside. They were halfway over the edge, and I tried to stop’em from falling. I grabbed the bumper and tried to pull them back up, but-”

“-They dropped.” She finished grimly, humming in discontent. Steve shook his head, tightening his grip on his hands. He was even more tense than before, and she could tell without any powers that he was regretting it. And on top of that, he felt guilty for it.

“I should’ve been able to help them, (Name). But I couldn’t. Innocent people died because of Ultron, and I couldn’t do a thing about it. Nothing.”

“You of all people should know that civilians get hurt in a war, Super Soldier.” She pointed out, leaning against his shoulder and wrapping her arms around his right, feeling the built muscle constrict with grief.

“This shouldn’t be a war. None of this should’ve happened. We should’ve taken it down when he was still in the Tower.”

“If that was possible, I think we would’ve tried it, Steve. But that’s just it.” (Name) mumbled, taking one of his hands into hers and beginning to trace along the creases in his palm. “You seem to have the hardest time accepting the should’ve’s and the would’ve’s did not happen. You’re always stuck in the what if’s. I mean, I’m the same way, but I don’t apply that to situations that were out of my control in the first place. ..Like a giant evil robot taking over NYC.”

“If Stark had just told us he was building it-”

“But he didn’t.” (Name) cut him off, looking up at him with calm eyes. “So we have to deal with the aftermath, now. You can’t control what happened with Ultron. What did and didn’t happen, that you couldn’t have changed even if you wanted to. Sometimes, it’s better to accept that we can’t freaking control everything that happens around us. Even if we’re the First Avenger, and we’re the toughest of the tough guys.”

“Then what exactly am I supposed to do? How am I supposed to prevent things like this from happening if I can’t figure it out for myself?” Steve asked, his voice even and monotone. (Name) sat up straighter, pressing a finger to his chest.

“You stop worrying about what you can’t control, and you focus on what you can; Yourself.”

“Myself?” He responded, a disbelieving look in his eyes. She nodded, smirking as she ruffled his hair.

“You’re in complete control of yourself, babydoll. The way you respond to things, and how you handle them when they happen, that’s all up to you. And you can either take control of yourself and decide not to act or feel this way or that, or let it all go and wallow in your own self-pity. You’re not strong enough to control what goes on in the world, Steve. But you are strong enough to take control of your heart, and your mind.”

“And that’s going to help with this mess?”

“Absolutely. Give yourself a clear head, clean yourself up and get your strength back. It sucks that you couldn’t save that person who fell, but you did what you could, and it’s not your fault they didn’t make it. So instead of crying over spilt blood, I think it’s high time to shut up, nut up, and figure out how to keep it from happening again.”

“...Shut up and nut up?” Steve repeated, a soft chuckle coming from his lips. She giggled shrugging as she stretched and stood.

“It’s something my friend’s mom used to tell him when he got crap grades. He’d try blaming the teacher, but she just wouldn’t have it. I’ve remembered that little phrase just in case I’d need it again. Like today, for example.”

“I’ll have to remember that the next time Stark complains about having a mission.”

“Darn right. Hang in there, Cap.” She said with a chuckle, and rose. Gently, she pressed her lips to his cheek, leaving a lingering kiss as she stood to leave. She winked at him as she pulled away, ruffling his hair again. “I’m gonna help Clint get some food started up. You’re welcome to help, if you want.”

Steve watched curiously as the woman disappeared, her advice echoing in her head almost as much as the feel of her teasing little kiss. He’d have to take her up on that offer.

And definitely ask her out for some coffee, later.

~Ende~